Wish I Were There

Funny how whenever you find yourself there you end up wishing you were somewhere else… I've found myself in this boat many times. I have anticipated something coming soon – a trip, an event, a new job, new town – only that when I get there I find myself thinking somewhere else might be better. I guess that is why the phrase "the grass is always greener on the other side" rings so true. So today – I'm in Malawi – AFRICA – a place that many people only dream of visiting and I'm living here and working here! Today didn't go like I had planned – I needed to get to Lilongwe today but I couldn't get through to the bus company to make reservations this morning. (Phone systems in Malawi are less than ideal let alone people actually answering their phone.) So I decided to drive the hour into Blantyre for the 2 pm coach hoping there would be space. I got into town and found out the coach leaves at 4 pm and it was FULL. Then I decided to wait, hoping someone wouldn't show up but waited at the wrong place realizing about 2 minutes before the coach arrived that there was no way I would be able to get a seat on this bus. My only back up plan (since the hospital vehicle had long since gone) was to sleep in Blantyre tonight at some friends house who are at Malamulo but assure me they are coming back to Blantyre tonight.

After realizing all of this and making arrangements for the 7am coach tomorrow morning I walked over to a hotel across from my friend's house to wait. And this is where I find myself contemplating the "greener grass". You see I'm at a place called Ryalls Hotel which is like stepping into a Hilton. The contrast is startling. From the midst of the biggest city in a small, poverty stricken country into soft lighting, dark wood accents, air conditioning, soft American music playing, easy and fast wireless internet, and waiters bringing me coffee. This is not Africa. This is one of the only places I can come and actually not have someone come and chat with me or ask me 20 questions about my country of origin. I crave places like this. I long for a place to be anonymous; where no one is calling me "azungu" or "give me money" or "what is your name?" So the comfort of this place makes me wonder why… why do I want to be somewhere else besides the "normal" Malawi? Why do I look for these quiet havens with some resemblance of western life and culture? I've chosen and even been excited to come and live in Malawi and yet I find this place like a salve for my soul that at times feels overwhelmed by the cultural adjustments and demands.

I am feeling emotionally taxed these days by myriad of things. So I value these quiet spaces of comfort and a taste of the "greener pastures". I guess that is my answer although I am still learning to enjoy where I AM – with all the unusual questions and demands – and not longing for "there".